Loneliness "reject[s]" the present and seeks to be in the past or some "fantasized future" (Shonin & Van Gordon, 2014, p. 771). Shonin and Van Gordon (2014) argued that even healthy doses of “family, friends, and pastimes” act as “anti-loneliness strategies” (p. 771). Humans tend to “distract…” themselves with activity, intentionally avoiding feelings of emptiness or the perception of "being all alone" (p. 772).
MINDFUL...
UNHEALTHY or "extreme (and maladaptive)" ways to escape (Shonin & Van Gordon, 2014, p. 771)
“company of a partner, family, and friends"
"surround[ed]... by other forms of company such as wealth, a successful career..."
“pastimes can include "writing a blog, working out at the gym, or playing computer games"
"use of alcohol or drugs"
"addicted to work"
"overuse of a mobile phone" [or internet/television]
"self harming"
"diving head first into the latest trend"
"jumping into relationships"
"shopping sprees"
"meaningless one night stands"
According to Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius (2009), Buddhist monks believe humans can be happier once they recognize the self is a false precept:
"No self, no problem" (p. 206).
"SELF-REFERENCING" (p. 210) disempowering or traumatic beliefs
"RELEASE identification" (p.215)
with disempowering or traumatic beliefs
I feel lonely.
Sensing apartness. This does not mean I am loneliness. "I am not these thoughts of 'I'" (Hanson, 2009, p. 216)
I am alone.
Aware there are few people around.
No one will ever love me again.
Sensing a lack of intimate relations. Aware of a loss.
Feeling there is something wrong with me.
Sensing that there may be something missing or something different.
I am not good enough.
Sensing unworthiness or weakness.
I am powerless.
Sensing a lack of control.
I don't deserve this.
Sensing hurt. Aware expectations were not met.
I am ashamed.
Sensing a need to hide feelings.
Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius (2009)
promote *REFUGE and *EXTENDING LOVE/KINDNESS as ways to change brain
If perception of self is futile, then one must accept the “desirelessness/aimlessness” of existence (p. 773). Shonin & Van Gordon (2014) agree that if one makes "impossible ideas about itself - it is going to be let down" (p. 772).
By releasing disempowering judgments, oppressive injunctions, successful achievements, disappointments, one can attend to the present moment.
Football illusion - midway through
*In a study by Bovornusvakool, et al. (2012), workaholism was linked to perfectionism and loneliness.
References
Bovornusvakool, W., Vodanovich, S.J., Ariyabuddhiphongs, K., Ngamake, S. (2012). Examining the antecedents and consequences of workaholism. The Psychologist-Manager Journal. 15, 56-70.
Hanson, R., & Mendius, R. (2009). Buddha's brain the practical neuroscience of happiness, love, & wisdom. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.
Shonin, E., & Van Gordon, W. (2014). Using mindfulness and insight to transform loneliness. Mindfulness, 5, 771-773.
Loneliness "reject[s]" the present and seeks to be in the past or some "fantasized future" (Shonin & Van Gordon, 2014, p. 771). Shonin and Van Gordon (2014) argued that even healthy doses of “family, friends, and pastimes” act as “anti-loneliness strategies” (p. 771). Humans tend to “distract…” themselves with activity, intentionally avoiding feelings of emptiness or the perception of "being all alone" (p. 772).
According to Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius (2009), Buddhist monks believe humans can be happier once they recognize the self is a false precept:
"No self, no problem" (p. 206).
with disempowering or traumatic beliefs
Rick Hanson and Richard Mendius (2009)
promote *REFUGE and *EXTENDING LOVE/KINDNESS as ways to change brainIf perception of self is futile, then one must accept the “desirelessness/aimlessness” of existence (p. 773). Shonin & Van Gordon (2014) agree that if one makes "impossible ideas about itself - it is going to be let down" (p. 772).
By releasing disempowering judgments, oppressive injunctions, successful achievements, disappointments, one can attend to the present moment.
Football illusion - midway through
*In a study by Bovornusvakool, et al. (2012), workaholism was linked to perfectionism and loneliness.
References
Bovornusvakool, W., Vodanovich, S.J., Ariyabuddhiphongs, K., Ngamake, S. (2012). Examining the antecedents and consequences of workaholism. The Psychologist-Manager Journal. 15, 56-70.
Hanson, R., & Mendius, R. (2009). Buddha's brain the practical neuroscience of happiness, love, & wisdom. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.
Shonin, E., & Van Gordon, W. (2014). Using mindfulness and insight to transform loneliness. Mindfulness, 5, 771-773.